Spirituality of Imperfection: Restlessness vs. Contentment?

"Go On: Dead to Self and Alive unto Christ"; "Spirituality Posts" to be identified with this painting

The title, as well as the concept itself, of Wil Hernandez’s book on Henri Nouwen fascinates me:

A Spirituality of Imperfection. 

In the last chapter, Hernandez characterizes Nouwen’s “spirituality of imperfection” with these words: 

Henri Nouwen was an inconsolably restless soul for much of his entire earthly journey, but no doubt a passionate seeker of himself, of other people, and of his God….On this issue of restlessness, journalist Philip Yancey offers an intriguing answer to a question he himself raises: “Living as resident aliens in a strange land, citizens of a secret kingdom, what other kind of peace should we expect?  In this world, restlessness, and not contentment is a sign of health.” (Hernandez, A Spirituality of Imperfection, p. 95)

Is there a sense that the spiritual life is lived somewhere between the poles of contentment and restlessness?  Between a search for finding one’s true center/spiritual home and a journey of God’s constant disruption of one’s inner man?  Between the realization “it is well with my soul” because God is the center of my story and the constant daily reality that sin and selfishness are my closest friends?  What does it mean to be at home in God while (simultaneously) being a pilgrim on this earth? 

Spirituality is messy.  And paradox seems to be woven into the fabric of the spiritual life. 

What does it mean to embrace, as Nouwen did, a sort of “spirituality of imperfection”?

"You're sick Henry!...Sick, Sick Sick"

Might it entail making peace or getting rather more comfortable with paradox?  Embracing the frustratingly non-linear “path” (if it can be called that) of the spiritual life?   At some level, do I have to concede that paradox, rather than coherence, is woven into the very fabric of the spiritual life?  Restless seeking is itself somewhat of a paradox.  One searches, presumably, in order to find.  And then the search is over.  Restless seeking implies that the search is never over.  That search for a home where God and self intersect is constantly “on the horizon” and just when we begin to think we have “arrived” is precisely when we realize how paltry far our steps have taken us.  “Follow me” is horrifically constant.  Perhaps especially when one realizes that Aslan is not static but constantly “on the move”.  How does one “follow” a moving target? 

So, perhaps I need to digest the fact that my own preference to kill all that lies in the way of my own contentment is short-sighted.  Christian triumphalism and “the victorious Christian life” can be seen for what they (usually) are – a mere grasping to vanquish the paradoxical nature of the Christian life, a kind of spiritual monism whereby “victory”, “contentment” , or “joy” is sounded on such a high or intense key that it somehow may drown out any competing noises. 

A spirituality of imperfection calls me to embrace the uncomfortable tensions of the spiritual life. 

That restless seeking is both a virtue and a bane.